For most families, the back-to-school season brings a return to routines—early mornings, packing lunches, homework, and school projects. But for parents of children with autism, it often means navigating much more. The first few months of school can bring meltdowns over new routines, stress about what lunch will actually get eaten, and ongoing conversations about IEP goals and accommodations.
School isn’t just about academics—it’s also where children build friendships, join clubs, and learn how to navigate social dynamics. Unfortunately, these opportunities can be limited or stressful for students with autism. Parents may feel overwhelmed or unsure how to help their child connect with classmates in meaningful ways. The good news is, there are steps you can take to advocate for your child and support their social growth in the school setting.
Start by observing how your child interacts with others in different environments. Do they prefer structured activities with rules and purpose like board games or art projects? Do they thrive in small groups or one-on-one play? Are they more comfortable with physical play like running or climbing? Understanding your child’s social style helps you communicate effectively with school staff. Share what works well at home and talk about how similar supports can be used in the classroom or during recess.
Ask the school about structured social learning opportunities. Many schools offer peer buddy programs, lunch groups, or social skills instruction through speech therapy or counseling. If your child has an IEP, make sure social goals are included and clearly defined—such as initiating play, joining group activities, or using greetings appropriately. Collaborate with the Child Study Team to ensure goals are realistic and tailored to your child’s strengths. Advocate that these goals use teaching strategies and supports that have been effective with your child in other areas. For example, if your child responds well visual prompts, schedules and timers, see how they can be incorporated into social skills goals and interactions as well.
Keep the lines of communication open with your child’s teacher. Ask how your child is engaging with classmates and request updates on both successes and challenges. You can also ask for tools like social stories or video modeling to reinforce skills at home. Suggest pairing your child with classmates who are patient and inclusive to help foster positive peer relationships.
Outside of school, reinforce social skills through playdates, community events, or family games. Practice turn-taking, sharing, and conversation in low-pressure settings. Celebrate small wins—like joining a game or making eye contact—and use those moments to build confidence. Progress may be gradual, but every step forward matters.
Above all, remember that your child wants to connect—even if they show it in unique ways. With your support and a strong partnership with their school, your child can build the social tools they need to feel included, understood, and valued. You’re not just helping them connect with classmates—you’re helping them build friendships and lifelong social skills.
Remember that the suggestions in this blog are not individual-specific. Always connect with your child’s healthcare, educational, and behavioral providers.
