For many parents of autistic children—especially those whose children have significant support needs—“self‑care” can feel like a luxury reserved for other people. When your days are packed with therapies, school meetings, meltdowns, medical appointments, and the constant mental load of anticipating your child’s needs, it’s incredibly easy to forget that you have needs of your own.
And often, the advice you hear from well‑meaning friends or family simply doesn’t match your reality. Hiring a sitter for a date night may be impossible when few people feel comfortable watching your child. A gym membership might be out of reach when every extra dollar goes toward therapy co‑pays. Even inviting friends over can feel overwhelming when others don’t understand your child’s support needs or the structure your home requires. What’s meant to be relaxing can quickly become another source of stress.
But your well‑being isn’t optional. It’s the foundation that allows you to show up with patience, consistency, and care. The saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup” may feel cliché, but it’s true. Instead of aiming for a dramatic lifestyle overhaul this year, consider small, sustainable shifts—changes that respect the reality of your life and the depth of your responsibilities.
One of the most accessible places to begin is with micro‑moments of physical care. You don’t need a gym or an uninterrupted hour—most parents in your situation don’t have that anyway. But you can stretch for 60 seconds while your child watches a favorite show, walk your stairs a few extra times, or take an extra lap around the parking lot after therapy drop‑off. These tiny actions add up. They remind your body that it matters and help regulate your nervous system in ways that make the rest of the day feel just a bit more manageable. If it helps, track these mini‑workouts and celebrate when you hit a goal. Once they become routine, consider finding new creative ways to move your body throughout the day.
Mental and emotional wellness can feel harder to access, especially when your days are unpredictable. Instead of aiming for long meditations or journaling sessions, try anchoring practices—simple habits that help you feel grounded without requiring extra time. Maybe it’s repeating a phrase on tough days (“I’m doing the best I can”), taking one slow breath before responding to a challenging moment, or keeping a calming object in your pocket.
And yes, your phone can be a tool instead of a trap. In a difficult moment, send a quick text to a friend who understands, try a mindfulness app, or explore virtual therapy options. At the same time, set boundaries that protect your peace—turn off social media at a certain hour or use “Do Not Disturb” overnight to give your mind a break from constant alerts.
Don’t hesitate to lean on others, even in small ways. If you have a partner, talk openly about what each of you need to promote your own well-being. Maybe your spouse can take over dinner responsibilities one night a week so you can take a short walk. Or if mid‑day texts cause them stress, create a “code word” for urgent messages only. And while people often say it takes a village, sometimes just one or two trusted helpers can make a meaningful difference. Let the family member who keeps offering to help watch your child do it for just an hour so you can grab coffee around the block. And when someone says, “Let me know if you need anything,” try responding honestly: “It’s been overwhelming. If you’re going to Target soon, could you grab a few school supplies for my older child? I can Venmo you.” The worst they can say is no—and many people are genuinely happy to help when given something concrete.
Another essential part of wellness is releasing the pressure of perfection. Parents of autistic children often carry an invisible weight: the belief that they must anticipate every need, prevent every meltdown, and manage every moment flawlessly. That pressure is exhausting. This year, try embracing “good enough” parenting. It’s okay if dinner is simple. It’s okay if the laundry waits. It’s okay if screens help you get through the evening. Meeting your child’s needs and protecting your own energy are not opposing goals—they strengthen each other.
Finally, remember that your well‑being is not separate from your child’s. When you care for yourself, even in small ways, you model regulation, resilience, and boundaries. You create a home with a little more calm and a little less burnout. And you remind yourself that you are a whole person—not just a caregiver, but someone deserving of rest, joy, and compassion. Let this year’s wellness journey be gentle, flexible, and rooted in the truth of your life. You don’t need to do everything. You just need to begin with one small, kind step.
Looking for more support in improving your wellness? Autism New Jersey provides Wellness Programs exclusively for people caring for loved ones with autism.
