The holiday season is in full swing! For many families, this means invitations and get‑togethers with extended family and friends who may not fully understand your child’s needs and supports. While celebrating with loved ones can bring joy and important social connections, it can also feel stressful for families raising autistic children. Whether it’s a well‑meaning grandpa whose booming voice unintentionally causes sensory overload, or the opinionated aunt who insists she knows better than your child’s therapists, balancing advocacy, family harmony, and your own enjoyment can be overwhelming.
One of the best ways to prepare is to talk openly about autism in a way that is clear, compassionate, and focused on your child’s strengths. Framing autism as part of who your child is—rather than something to be “fixed”—helps relatives see your child and their needs through a lens of acceptance and respect. This approach not only reduces misunderstandings but also encourages family members to celebrate your child’s individuality.
When explaining your child’s needs, highlight specific examples relatives might notice during the party. For instance, you might say, “Loud noises can be overwhelming, so we’ll bring headphones,” or “He may not respond right away, but giving him extra time helps.” Recognize relatives’ desire to connect and give them practical alternatives. If your great aunt approaches with one of her famous back‑crushing hugs, you can gently redirect: “You know, he really enjoys high‑fives. Try that instead—I bet he’ll light up for you!” These concrete suggestions give loved ones tools to interact with your child. Remind them that challenging behaviors are often a form of communication, and patience paired with understanding goes a long way.
It’s also helpful to be honest about the challenges you face, so relatives avoid offering “quick fixes” that can feel minimizing. For example, if your child won’t eat the traditional holiday meal and you’ve brought favorite foods along, you might hear, “She’d probably do better if you just made her eat a little dinner before the snacks.” Your response could be: “We’ve been working with her therapist for quite a while on accepting new foods. It’s going well, but it’s slow. Tonight, we just want to relax with family and not run her feeding plan.” This kind of reply acknowledges their concern while reinforcing the thoughtful work already being done.
Finally, autism has been in the news lately, which can spark questions about causes or treatments. If you’d rather avoid debates, you might say, “I think the causes of autism are likely very complex. At the end of the day, she’s our child and we love her exactly as she is. We prefer to focus on how we can best support her so she can have the best life possible.” ABA therapy may also come up. You can describe it simply as a structured way of teaching skills—like communication, daily living routines, and social interaction—through positive reinforcement and individualized plans. Sharing that your child is working on goals such as asking for help, dressing independently, or managing transitions helps relatives see ABA as supportive rather than intimidating.
Holiday gatherings are important moments for many families. By speaking openly about autism and ABA therapy, you’re not only advocating for your child but also fostering a more inclusive family culture. Encourage relatives to ask questions, celebrate small successes, and focus on connection rather than perfection. With preparation and open communication, holiday parties can become meaningful moments where your child feels supported, understood, and truly part of the celebration.
