Growing up with a sibling who has autism can be simultaneously deeply rewarding and uniquely challenging. Neurotypical siblings often develop remarkable empathy, patience, and resilience, yet they may also face stressors that require intentional family support. Autism New Jersey recently hosted a panel discussion on the experiences of siblings of autistic individuals. Each shared heartfelt and heartwarming stories of the special relationships they had with their siblings and how being a sibling to an autistic person shaped their lives and careers. They also shared an honest portrayal of difficult times and challenging moments. Their stories showed that while autism may complicate sibling relationships, they remain deeply meaningful. 

Parenting is already a balancing act, and raising an autistic child can make it even more challenging to ensure that all your children’s unique needs are met. With that in mind, parents can take small actions to nurture their neurotypical children while continuing to support their autistic child.  

• Give your children reliable and age-appropriate information about autism to help them better understand and connect with their sibling. Books such as “All My Stripes” and “My Brother Charlie“ are great resources for younger siblings. “A Different Sort of Normal“ and “Rules“ may be good for slightly older kids. The Organization for Autism Research and Autism Speaks also offer resources for siblings. By incorporating these sources of information into family discussions, parents can help neurotypical siblings feel informed, supported, and equipped to build meaningful connections with their autistic sibling.

• Consider including siblings in therapy sessions when appropriate. Observing or participating in sessions can provide valuable insight into autism, help them understand the skills their sibling is learning, and allow them to actively support therapy goals—like communication and cooperative play. A sibling can be an excellent partner for an ABA therapist, making learning more engaging while strengthening their relationship. For older siblings, transforming “parent training” into “family training” can help siblings learn strategies for supporting their autistic sibling in a way that fosters connection rather than obligation.

• It’s natural for families to find that their autistic child’s needs often take precedence—whether it’s missing a sibling’s playdate due to therapy schedules or skipping outings because a crowded environment would be overwhelming. However, prioritizing events focused on neurotypical siblings can reinforce their importance within the family dynamic. Scheduling a one-on-one activity like a monthly movie date, planning ahead for playdates, and remembering to post on social media about their achievements can help neurotypical children feel valued. And let’s be honest —playing hooky from school for a day or taking a rare spontaneous break from therapy isn’t just OK, it can boost everyone’s emotional well-being!

• Supporting sibling independence is equally important. Even the most understanding and nurturing sibling needs space to cultivate their own identity and friendships outside of their role within the family. Enrolling them in extracurricular activities such as sports, clubs, or camps provides opportunities to explore their own interests. Creating a sibling-only space in your house—a quiet retreat where they can unwind, invite friends, or store personal items—can also offer a much-needed sense of autonomy.

• If your autistic child exhibits challenging behaviors—such as aggression, self-injury, or property destruction—it can be upsetting and frightening for siblings. Open and honest conversations about why these behaviors occur and how they make siblings feel are crucial. Recognizing that hurt and anger are valid emotions allows neurotypical siblings to process their experiences in a healthy way. If behaviors pose safety concerns, develop a family safety plan so neurotypical children know what to do when these moments happen—whether that means retreating to a safe space, assisting by clearing items, or calling for help.

• Building a strong support system can also help neurotypical siblings feel understood, reassured, and validated. Formal social connections like programs such as the Sibling Support Project, guidance from school counselors, or exploring therapy can provide meaningful outlets. More natural support systems like extended family and trusted family friends—can also play a role in providing emotional support and offering a listening ear.

• Many siblings of autistic individuals become their greatest advocates. Encouraging participation in autism acceptance initiatives such as forming a club at school, engaging in advocacy efforts, or fundraising for autism-related causes, can give siblings a sense of purpose and empowerment. Having an active role in these efforts may help them navigate challenging times while reinforcing the importance of inclusion and understanding. 

Being a sibling to an autistic individual can be an incredibly challenging and rewarding experience. As a parent, it’s natural to feel stretched thin, grieve the sibling dynamic you had envisioned, and cherish the special bond you see developing between your children. No matter what, sibling relationships remain deeply significant. Autism may shape the sibling and family experience, but it does not change its value.

Just a reminder: Suggestions outlined in this blog are not individual-specific. Always do what is best for your family and connect with educational and healthcare providers who know your children’s specific needs.