When my son was a toddler, he had a unique way of waving his hand that meant he wanted to sing “The Wheels on the Bus.” As parents, we often become fluent in our children’s unspoken language—sometimes knowing their wants, needs, and moods even before they understand it themselves. And if you have a child with autism who struggles to communicate their basic needs, you’ve likely become a master decoder. 

It’s only natural to want to meet your child’s needs as soon as you recognize them. In fact, anticipating those needs can sometimes help prevent meltdowns. When a child struggles with communication, it can feel counterintuitive to wait and allow potential frustration if you know exactly what they want. 

But weaving communication-building opportunities into your daily routines can be a powerful way to support your autistic child’s growth and independence. Parents don’t have to take a crash course in speech and language pathology or applied behavior analysis to become effective teachers! Here are some ways families can reasonably build communication into everyday life: 

Capitalize on Natural Motivation 

Look for moments when your child clearly wants something. These are golden opportunities to prompt communication. For instance: 

• If they love going for walks, pause and hold their shoes out instead of handing them over. Ask, “What do you need?” 

• At snack time, instead of having food ready and waiting, stand with them in the kitchen and say, “It’s time for…”and wait for them to say “snack.” 

• Offer choices: “Do you want cookies or crackers today?” 

Create Motivation 

Sometimes it helps to design your environment so your child needs to communicate. Consider: 

• Placing toys or other preferred items in clear but out-of-reach bins. 

• Keeping the TV remote in a spot where they’ll need to ask for it. 

• Giving snacks in smaller portions to prompt them to request more. 

• Having them ask for the iPad to be charged rather than doing it automatically. 

Meet Them Where They Are 

You might be thinking, “These are great ideas, but my child won’t say that!” And you could be right—for now. Start where your child is: 

• If they use a few hard-to-understand words, encourage them to use them more often and more clearly. 

• If they’re using single-word requests, try prompting phrases like “I want…” 

• If they don’t yet use speech consider introducing common gestures, signs, picture symbols, or head nods and shakes for yes/no questions. 

Some Other Helpful Tips 

• Don’t overdo it. You don’t need to find every possible moment—that will just stress you out and frustrate your child. A few quality opportunities each day can be enough. 

• Timing matters. If your child is overtired, cranky, or you’re in a hurry, skip the prompting and try again later. 

• Wait… but not forever. A pause of 5–10 seconds might feel awkward, but it gives your child time to respond. If they can’t or start to get upset, model the desired communication instead of pushing, provide access, and move on with your day. 

• Narrate your actions. Speaking of modeling, talking through play or daily routines without expecting a reply is another way to promote language. For example, during play say, “You have the red truck. I’m rolling the blue car down the ramp—vroom!” At bath time: “We’re using the orange washcloth today. I’m putting some soap on it and washing your arm!” 

Remember that while the strategies and resources in this blog can make a big difference, they are not individual-specific. Speech-language pathologists, educators, and behavior analysts can help determine what communication method (spoken words, signs, devices, etc.) is best for your child and how to teach it effectively.  Always connect with your child’s healthcare, educational, and behavioral providers when implementing any strategies.